Meaningful quotes (to me) from the book:
“Every time we find ourselves arguing, debating, running away, or otherwise acting in an ineffective way, it’s because we don’t know how to share meaning. Instead of engaging in healthy dialogue, we play silly and costly games.”
“In order to justify an especially sordid behavior, we suggest that we’re caught between two distasteful options. Either we can be honest and attack our spouse, or we can be kind and withhold the truth. Either we can disagree with the boss to help make a better choice – and get shot for it – or we can remain quiet, starve the pool, and keep our job. Pick your poison. What makes these Sucker’s Choices is that they’re always set up as the only two options available. It’s the worst of either/or thinking. The person making the choice never suggests there’s a third option that doesn’t call for unhealthy behavior. For example, maybe there’s a way to be honest and respectful. Perhaps we can express our candid opinion to our boss and be safe. Those offering up a Sucker’s Choice either don’t think of a third (and healthy) option – in which case it’s an honest but tragic
mistake – or set up the false dichotomy as a way of justifying their unattractive actions. ‘I’m sorry, but I just had to destroy the guy’s self-image if I was going to keep my integrity. It wasn’t pretty, but it was the right thing to do.’”
When is the last time you had a ‘Crucial Conversation?” Is there something you’ve been putting off for weeks, months? Deal with it, this week (!) staying calm, open, and following the road map from Crucial Conversations. Here’s to improving all of our interactions, one by one. Have a great week, team!
Totally. Wasn’t that a funny episode? I mean, since it was happening to
someone else, of course =)
the breaking up via text part reminded me of the SATC episode with the post-it note break up! lol 🙂
Catherine Dreher says
This is a good reminder! We’ve become so used to digital dialogues that we forget that the majority of the meaning of our words is conveyed through body language. Without that, the person on the other end of the message is left to construe (or misconstrue) our true feelings.
I was so tired when reading this so I definitely couldn’t assimilate all the concepts in here and they are quite deep.
But all I can say is, many many MANY people do not have the background and training and manners that you do, Anne-Marie, so in your postings, and in your Queen-ness, it’s good that you keep the standard high and also share what is inappropriate and also appropriate.
This day and age, it is appalling how people view not only each other, but also authority, honor, respect, manners, boundaries, rights, entitlements. These things are often viewed as antiquated. I like this one saying: “Love has good manners.” So I guess it’s good to strive to always have good manners, even if others do not have or do not choose to exhibit them….
I hope that I’ve not demonstrated a lack in these areas….hope not!
It’s so easy with your fingers flyin’ to say things that in retrospect are ridiculous……
Totally agree. And where one friendship starts to cool, another one always
comes into my life that makes me smile, learn and grow as a person.
Having a great day – it’s an INSANE Monday around here, trying to get the
newsletter done and culling through emails and mail etc… I’m just thankful
to have a job with the way the economy is though and count my blessings for
enough work to keep me feeling INSANE! =)
Yup, I get that totally. I think it helps us to re-evaluate our major friendships. A little clear out now and then does the soul good. We all lose touch with people throughout our lives but the ones that stick with us are the most important and these relationships are the ones, which should be protected I feel.
Hope you’re having a nice day.
Thanks Tiggy! I’m not thinking about it much except in the context of ‘What can I learn?” and “Where do I want to go with my friendships? What friends uplift me and energize me and which ones make me feel small and petty?” It’s a fantastic lesson for me to re-learn…
I can always hope! We’ve been friends for over a decade but have drifted apart recently so it might just be a natural splitting point too. Of course, with that kind of history, I hope not. Maybe it’s just a speedbump. =)
My friend Jody has a great saying: “Small people talk about other people and big people talk about ideas.” (or something like that!) So, I’ve tried to take that to heart and focus on ideas and breakthroughs when I’m with people. But there’s a certain group of girls that we never quite get to that next level so maybe I should re-evaluate my friendships with that group.
I will totally go in search of that video. Break up via text … that would be so horrible!
Meh, not so much. But that’s okay! There’s a learning lesson in everything =))
Thanks Helena. I agree, text and email is actually difficult ways to have emotionally-charged conversations. When the stakes are high, in-person is definitely the way to go. =)
Bless you AM. I too have been on the receiving end of some malicious gossip these past few days. I’m trying to deal with it tactfully so as not to come across as weak and woeful….even though it’s got me down rather a lot.
I shan’t let it ruin my week and have said all I can to diffuse the situation into a peaceful one.
Thank you for your post here. I’m right with ya sister!
Excellent advice! You showed the best way to attempt to handle the situation, as well, by contacting the person first. Perhaps the other person will decide to be as up front as you were.
Evermore Organics says
First, ew. Gossip is awful, especially when its so untrue and ridiculous.
Second, if this person engages in that kind of behavior, them having sent a text in response to your call isn’t very surprising. What more can you expect from such a person.
Slightly off-topic, but there’s a great song/video on youtube making fun of people who break-up via text. (“you cant text message break-up!”)
I hope the source left a very apologetic text message at least.
I’ve learned from experience that a text response for such a touchy subject is the coward’s way out. They don’t want to confront you because they are wrong and may have been acting maliciously. There are miserable people in this world who can’t stand other people’s happiness and success, and having read your blogs for some time now, that is where you are in life right now – happy and successful. Don’t let it bother you. You know what they say about Karma 😉